Ethics, Trust, and the Meaning of Christmas

AS we further immerse ourselves in the Holiday Season, it seemed fitting to me to reflect on WHO we are as business people, and HOW we go about communicating, performing, and leading in our organizations.

Whether we are Atheists, Jewish, Christian, Muslim, or another faith, who would our God say we are? Or, who would our mother say we are? Jesus said, "Let your yes be yes, and your no be no." Seems simple enough, but further scrutiny and our pride can complicate the matter.

As I was reading about communication the other day, the point was made that it all starts with trust. Think about it, without trust, can there be good communication? The answer is no. If we cannot trust what is being said, then all the eloquent wording in the world is not going to do any good. Conversely, with a great level of trust, much less can be said.

It would follow then that we should build trust to foster and prepare for good communication. I think we can agree, or at least understand the concept. Does it happen overnight? No; it takes time. The next question is when trust exists, what can undermine it? How about lies, or misrepresentations? How many does it take? Just one. It doesn't seeem fair, but that's the way it is.

Communications experts say that six different messages can be given when we speak: 1) What I actually say 2) What I mean to say 3) What you hear 4) What you think you hear 5) What you say about what I said 6) What I think about what you said about what I said. This may seem confusing at first, but when you study it, you'll find it's true.

What really will complicate it for you is, what do you think happens when I mix in even a little dishonesty into something that is already difficult? It becomes a total mess. Is there any wonder that stress and hard feelings result?

To avoid eroding that trust that we've worked so hard to build, we need to clean up four familiar weaknesses we all exhibit:

1) Telling lies. One way or another, we all have lied. It can be white or black, but we all have at least misrepresented or mistated something to avoid embarassment or criticism.
2) Broken promises. We all have failed to follow through with doing what we said we would, even if unintended or forgotten.
3) Patronization We also flatter people to get their support, avoid conflict, or to seem better in their eyes.
4) Failing to speak up. Finally, failing to speak up at critical times to either support someone when appropriate, or exhibit courage in disagreeing, is something all have blundered through.

Ethics wraps itself around all of these issues. To me, my ethics are HOW I deliver on matters of trust. Do I take the easy way out because I'm afraid of criticism, losing a raise, being admired by my co-workers, or not getting the order? We only need to look at the financial mess our great Country is in now to see how communication and trust were shattered.

We must choose to rebuild trust. This can only be accomplished by committing to the truth over time. It's hard work, sometimes embarassing or at least unpleasant, but we must commit to letting our yes be yes, and our no be no. This doesn't mean we are not sensitive to feelings, but that we are SO sensitive to others that we gift them with the truth.

What can you accomplish with statements like:
Yes, I care about what you do No, I can't accept what you're doing
No, I wasn't listening to you Yes, I'll work through this with you.
Yes, we will reward the team No, you have not earned a raise

And the final yes is: Yes it will make your God, or your mom (or both) proud!