Getting Mentoring Right

One area that has spoken to me consistently in my life has been mentoring. Early on I was most fortunate in having good people, more experienced than I, in my life. These were folks who genuinely cared about me and wanted to help me, with no personal agenda. Whether it was my meat department manager when I worked at A&P while in college, or a professor who taught me how to really study and made me like it, or my Air Force flight instructor who taught me that life is hard, they and others like them got through to me and made a difference.

A bit later on, I began my BEING a mentor. I found myself at first working with teens at church. That led to officiating sporting events, then becoming a coach. Before I knew it I was a high school head soccer coach, while I pursued my business career. Mentoring was a joy from the other end, as I found myself making a difference in others' lives.

Now I've come full circle where again I am mentored through a wonderful priest and friend, but also work with young CEO's and Presidents helping them through the challenges, doubts and joys with their customers, families, and businesses.

After all this I feel qualified to write about what I think makes a good mentor. Here goes.

The mentor must have a genuine and deep interest in the well being of the mentoree. Simply put, she should care. We've all seen people who have something to gain or lose, and steer us toward that outcome while pretending to care more about us. Most often, we see right through it, and they have lost our trust forever. I've always been most impressed when I see people who will actually be negatively impacted with a change, but support it when they see a greater good. Wow! That's maturity.

Do not judge intentions. It's not only proper to judge performance, we are required to do so. At the same time, it's a losing proposition to try to know what's going on inside of an individual. Good mentors assume that the heart is good until the performance shows that there's a disconnect. Be on their side; more is gained by treating them a bit better than they may deserve, than a bit worse.

Focus on strengths; spend less time on weaknesses. (See my 1/30/08 post, The Healthy Lawn). Don't ever underestimate the power of positive feedback. Remember the Goethe quote, "If you treat an individual as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be."

Individualize your mentoring to the person. Remember that we are all not only a product of our experiences and upbringing, but we are also part of our generation, our community, and values. Understand these and work within them, and not according to how you might see them. The mentor strives to improve the mentoree on her ground, not make her as he is.

We will continue this rather robust topic in the next blog; remember, I promised with my first posting that I would be consistently brief!