From Conflict to Opportuinty

Yesterday, I had the good fortune to participate in a TEC sponsored seminar on conflict resolution for leaders. Edgar Papke, a well known speaker, writer, and human dynamics expert was our facilitator. Today's posting is a result of his inspiration, so you can either credit, or blame him!

Where I'd like to start is with his initial premise that conflict is good. As we think about it, we realize that little gets done without some level of stress being present, otherwise why would we do anything differently? So, certainly, if improvements result from stress & the resultant change, it's positive.

Before we blindly embrace this "conflict" word, however, let's look a bit closer. I would suggest that differing values, stress, & even disagreement are positive. The question is; should we let it get to conflict? Perhaps I'm reading too much into the word, but I'm thinking that conflict is disagreement gone bad, or at least, not shared & discussed.

I've always told my clients to teach and to treat contrarians, differing opinions, or criticism positively, as a gift, just as they might a compliment. Opposing points of view are a chance to get it right, or get better. Without the suggestion, without the stress, without someone else taking a chance, nothing happens. I'm sure that this was Edgar's point.

The interchange only degrades when either person injects negative connotations, such as aggressiveness, emotion, sarcasm, or judgement, into the discussion. Several things can then happen with either person, such as withdrawal, anger, or defensiveness. My point of this blog is that we need to take leadership and stop it there, before it turns to conflict, and a more difficult challenge to handle.

We as leaders and managers bear the brunt of the responsibility to give and take it positively. How? Well, first of all we treat it with a high level of importance. So we handle it now, or tell them when we will. Secondly, we listen carefully and without interrupting, even when painful. Thirdly, we clarify, and repeat back without judging. If we can pull this much off, we are well on our way to mining the benefits without the conflict. What do you think?

Tomorrow, more on the actual "conflict" resolution.