Protecting Each Other's Soft Spots

This past weekend, I had the privilege of visiting my sister, Judy, in Michigan. She and her husband value our relationship, and most of our time together is spent around the kitchen table talking of our childhood, families. and values. As we were discussing how we have dealt with others in certain sensitive situations, she reminded me of something I shared with her a few years ago. On the way home, Wendy & I decided it would be an excellent blog topic. So Judy will have to take the credit (or blame) for the following!

It involves being aware of other's strengths & weaknesses. When you work next to, or with, a team of people for an extended period of time, you get to know them pretty well. They might even have been chosen based on a certain competency or profile. Certainly our spouses, significant others, or best friends are known even more intimately. How we treat them based on this knowledge (or judgement) of them is critical.

The point is often made that it isn't just WHAT someone does, it's HOW they do it. When we see another questioning or challenging a team member, it should ideally be regarded as a gift. It is, however, sometimes difficult for the team member to see it this way, especially if it is presented to them in a caustic, or even partially nonconstructive way. But it is a gift; only part of the story may be understood, the stated facts may be questionable, and/or the team may be on the brink of a serious error.

As a third party, we can help the process and facilitate a good outcome. If the team member has a blind or weak spot, we, knowing them well, can help compensate. We can, in essence, protect their soft (weaker)spots.

Here are examples: 1) Jean is very bright, excellent with detail, and always sees the upside in opportunities. She is also impatient and intolerant of emotions. Paul is a contrarian; he sees the downside in everything, is passionate, and outspoken. In a budgeting meeting, Jean presents her plan for needed cuts. Paul jumps in with some valid questions, but they are presented poorly. Understanding the dynamics, you can step in to help each of them do what they do best, respect each other, and come to consensus. The truth is, you need them both. Left to themselves, they may not get there, at least until they understand each of their roles.

2) You are at a cocktail party. Your fiance', Don, is talking with an investment banker, Rich. The topic, as turned by Rich, is now on ridiculing his neighbor's gay daughter. Since rich has a gay son, you know he will not appreciate the point of view, so you join them and masterfully turn the talk to your upcoming ski trip to The Grand Tetons.

You may think, at this point, that I am suggesting you fight other people's battles; I'm not. You are simply stepping in to do something you can do better than someone else. Ideally, we surround ourselves with others who care about, and will do the same for, us. You'll make many friends by looking out for them. We shall reap what we sow.